Retitled to be less alarmist now

"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
08/06/2015 at 12:54 • Filed to: None

UPDATE: I need to put this upfront and I need everybody to read this. I appreciate the offers but I want to be clear I have no thoughts of killing myself or harming others. Anyway, some cops came down to do a welfare check and now my mom is in extreme distress. She’s already feuding with my brother and with this it’s now made the situation worse. So please don’t do that.

I know, dramatic headline, so sue me. I just don’t fucking care anymore. I tried calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and my calls won’t go through, they keep getting dropped. So I have no one to talk to. Oh well, I guess literally going to Hell is my only escape.

I just wish someone or something had intervened and prevented me from being born in the first place.

Oh, and no, I’m not going to do harm to myself or others, but I am feeling desperate now. I know people have told me I shouldn’t go to Oppo for help on everything but when I can’t even contact the specialists for these type of things where the fuck else am I supposed to go?

EDIT: a number of you have stated that I shouldn’t kill myself because it would devastate my friends and family. Well, my family is acting like a bunch of raging bitches and my so-called “friends” are mocking me for it so to be honest with you suicide would only give me further incentive to spite them.

DISCUSSION (35)

bob and john > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 12:56

OI.

cool_saab93@hotmail.com

email me.

Milky > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 12:58

My only relevant comment to make.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 12:59

Find a local place that will help you and go there now.

I know it sucks now, but it will get better. My mom is manic-depressive and I've seen it. Find a good doctor to help you through this.

Your boy, BJR > bob and john
08/06/2015 at 13:00

Hey! There’s no such thing as a cool Saab 9-3!

TheHondaBro > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:05

I know what you’re going through. If you wanna talk, shoot me an email.

infernovivo@gmail.com

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:05

No, God does not want you to kill yourself. And there is no reason not to come to Oppo for help. Come to where the help is. If it happens to be on Oppo, well...

I can’t help as far as talk goes, I’m not really a great listener, so I’ll leave that to the others who have volunteered.

Just hang in there, is all I have to add.

bob and john > Your boy, BJR
08/06/2015 at 13:08

didnt your dad used to have a viggen?

Sn210 > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:09

There’s a doctor out there who can help you. In the mean time talk to us on Oppo

(I am so not-comforting, but I wanted to comment so you know we’re here for you)

Azrek > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:10

People told you not to goto Oppo for help and they didn’t help you themselves?

Oppo may be an offtopic blog, but we rally around our own.

HammerheadFistpunch > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:10

So here is what I’m going to say

No you’re not elistigirl though. Look I don’t mean to sound insensitive because, trust me, I’ve been to dark places too, but seriously man, you need to knock off this self deprecating whoa is me shit and realize that all its doing is fueling the downward spiral. Don’t love your life? tell yourself its great, turn the tables on cycle of self fueled negative bring down! its better than wallowing in a dark hole and you know what? after a while you find out that, hey, life isn’t so bad, im pretty great after all. I’ve talked to a lot of people who where literally on the fence about to jump into traffic to end and all and you know what they ALL say? Life isn’t as bad as I though, and nothing is worth killing myself over. You need to kick your own ass outta this lame cycle of self induced negative reinforcement. You have to realize that the kinds of stuff you tell yourself are the kinds of things that other people would use against you to destroy you if you were, say, a combatant in a POW camp. YOU ARE LITERALLY FIGHTING YOURSELF. KNOCK IT OFF!

Also, there are plenty of people to talk to, Oppo isn’t therapy, I think PaulJones gave you great advice the other day, listen to it. Finding people to talk to is a 3 step process:

1. STOP IT! Stop being an ass to yourself

2. Get out - Find a fresh angle, new people, new places

3. talk to people - Don’t talk to people about your problems. Just talk to people

Finally, STOP IT (look I know its a gag, but seriously) the attention seeking here and elsewhere needs to stop, for your good. You don’t need the attention that only fuels your negative train of thought, you need to start making changes.

Again, I’ve been there, you think and feel that that its an ever constricting box but you have to realize that you can get out of the box if you stop building it.

Alex B > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:12

You only get one chance. After this it’s over.

I can’t say I know what you’ve been going through, because I don’t. But life is worth living, go get help, take a break from everything and maybe you’ll get a new perspective on life...

Best of luck.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:14

I know you’re “Not in Detroit” But if you’re still in the area, http://commongroundhelps.org/

You could call them even if you’re not in the area, they may be able to talk.

They’ve done great things my company works with them.

cazzyodo > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:16

Hey...one thing to remember is that you’re not alone.

Never.

No matter how distant you feel emotionally, socially, physically, what-have-you, you are not alone. People in your own town have been through similar things.

I had a rough time my first year in college when people stopped inviting me places. An ex basically got them to leave me out of things and I lost friends through that. I had nothing to do after classes that I didn’t care about. I sat on my computer and stared at the screen, typically doing nothing, for hours on end. It took one person to get me out of that funk...wish she texted me three months sooner.

Even more recently I had a sort of mini-meltdown. No idea what I was doing. Family was pretty much insane from my parent’s divorce and the repercussions were pretty far reaching. I felt like a failure being where I was in my life with pressure to be an “adult” and do “adult things” but not wanting to change. I would never do anything to myself but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about what would happen if my car just happened to drift to the left. I’d also be lying if I said that doubt doesn’t return on occasion. But the biggest lie would be that I have a bad life. I don’t.

It’s good.

I sit down and think to myself the good things I have going for me. Anything and everything is counted.

It helps quite a bit.

So, yeah. Nobody knew what I just typed but if it helps you I want it out there.

Tohru > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:16

Check your email.

georgechristensen > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:22

Speaking from experience suicide is a hard thing to get right, you’ll probably end up making things worse for yourself. Also, it’s rather difficult to spite someone if you’re dead.

Santiago of Escuderia Boricua > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:23

Life is brutal. Have some gifs

Kinja'd!!!

jariten1781 > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:27

I’ve brought this up before, and I’m serious, you need to find group help. It’s a hard hurdle for a non-social person to cross, but it’s all worth it. If paid therapy groups haven’t worked for you, seriously go to some AA meetings. 99% of what they talk about (re-framing thoughts, self meditation, will to change, acceptance of what’s truly out of your personal control, etc.) is one hundred percent applicable to your situation. They’re free, welcoming, have people from all walks of life, and they’re everywhere. There’re youth ones, male/female only ones, family ones, on and on. It has a built in system of mentoring. Try dedicating time to go to 3 per week for a month and I think you’ll find it extremely helpful.

aa.org has the finder or you can use an app like ‘Meeting Finder’. Don’t wallow in despair, go out and do something positive and there’re people seriously waiting to help you.

Gamecat235 > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:29

Please keep trying to seek help. The resources are out there, and there are other ways to reach them, they have online chat options and will work with you to get the help you need. Don’t give up.

CalzoneGolem > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:32

In college I found one of my roommates hanging from the ceiling. It was not a good time. Please don’t make anyone go through what I did.

Probably none of us are equipped to help you out but we’re all Opponoughts.

Your boy, BJR > bob and john
08/06/2015 at 13:37

Still does.

and 100 more > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:48

How old are you?

Regarding all those people who couldn’t care less right now, it was said to me once (and I believe) that the base revenge is to live a great life.

MPA > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 13:51

For new friends - join Meetup - there’s groups for everything. Life’s too short to waste time on friends that aren’t worthy - remove them from your life instead of thinking of removing yourself from the planet ;)

Don’t kill yourself - odds are 5 years down the road and look back at this time and think “What was aI thinking?”

georgechristensen > cazzyodo
08/06/2015 at 13:53

Yeah this, pay attention to this.

Gamecat235 > Azrek
08/06/2015 at 14:01

Test.

Captain of the Enterprise > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 14:03

I tried to kill myself about a year and a half ago but had a last second change of heart and decided to live instead. I was lucky enough that my method of choice allowed my change of heart to happen. I know it’s been hard. Getting better doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a gradual process and you have shown that you are willing to try to get better. This post is an example of reaching out and therefore a sign that at least some part of you isn’t done yet. I got through months with an outlook of day by day, minute by minute to living. I figured I could at least give the next day a chance and so on and so on. Depression sucks but it is treatable, I’m still giving it a shot and maybe you should too.

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 14:08

I’m a little late to the party here, but I just asked God, and no He does not want you to kill yourself.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 14:09

Being suicidal is a wonderful thing because it allows you a unique opportunity: If you no longer give a fuck about ANYTHING, then you have nothing to lose by doing whatever you want.

So do something stupid.

Sell everything you own and hitchhike around the country. Just disappear. Pick up some skills, meet new people, go somewhere new. Do odd jobs for spare change if your funds from selling everything run low. When you’re suicidal, there is nowhere for you to go but up, so you might as well try.

That’s just my opinion, though. I don’t know your situation at all but it’s for sure what I’d be looking at if I was giving serious consideration to ending it. Stuff, situations, and relationships are all temporary, so you might as well toss them all aside and start fresh.

Ernie @ Kinja > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 14:13

I know what you’re going through. No matter what you may think, you’re not alone in anything you do, ever. There is always someone who knows exactly how you feel and someone who is willing to listen and talk and help you get past whatever obstacle you think is insurmountable. We’re all in this together; as humans, as Opponauts, and as friends.

If you need someone to talk to, you have so many friendly faces here. There are plenty of people in your town you can talk to as well. Police, EMS, Firefighters, a grocery store clerk, a shopkeep. You’d be surprised who’s willing to help a complete stranger in a time of need.

You’re also welcome to email me if there’s anything you want to discuss in private. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is undoubtedly your best bet, though. They can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. Keep trying until you get through, talk to someone—anyone—to keep you mellow until then.

Let’s get past this together.

and 100 more > and 100 more
08/06/2015 at 14:24

Ugh, *best, not base

Rico > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 14:28

Hey how old are you again? Are you of college age? If so listen man apply to a college AWAY FAR AWAY like in California and go dorm there, take out student loans to pay for everything and just live on your own. Cut off everyone of your family members who bring you down and just go live your life man. You can get a part time job on campus and dorm there. Fill out a FAFSA and haul ass out of Michigan or whatever State you live in and get some where nice.

Steve Climaco > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 14:52

Read all these replies - even though these people seem far away, even though you may not know them personally, they want you around, they want to get to know you, including myself. We care about you because we want to reach out to you. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t even try. This is your opportunity to take advantage of that. Contact any of us ( Even me : email here ) so we can talk. I’ve also been through this and I can honestly tell you a support system, even if it’s just talking/sending emails to people is something you should give a chance. The important thing is to give yourself the chance we all know you deserve because even if you think otherwise, you do deserve it. You deserve the opportunity make yourself better and this could be the first step at that. You owe it to yourself to at least try. Talk to someone - you can even talk to someone here: 1-800-273-8255 - trust me, you’re worth it. I know that, all the people here who see it know it too.

Michael Ballaban > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 15:02

Please don’t do anything to hurt yourself! Oppo, and this world, will be worse off with you. You aren’t alone, and we really are all here for you. We’ve all been in rough places, that’s what makes us all strong, so we’re all willing to listen and talk it out and help you get through it. If you can’t get through to anybody on the Internet, talk to really anybody out there in the real world. Ernie , an incredible guy and friend of mine, is right, and he’s never steered me wrong. No one will ever turn away another person in your sort of pain.

Email me , too, if you just want to get in touch, but you really should reach out to National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. I’m just a guy writing things online, but those people are the real pros. Don’t do anything drastic just because you can’t get through right away. Life is long, and joyous, and tough, and wonderful, and we’re all here.

RazoE > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 15:19

Sounds like you want to, but won’t, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted here and just done it. Use that will and pull yourself through. Maybe a total change of scenery can help. I abandoned my immediate family because I was tired of their crap. I am happier than ever with my wife and daughter.

wkiernan > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/06/2015 at 19:05

I know how it is. All I can say is, you know, these people giving you a hard time? Fuck ‘em all.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/07/2015 at 20:39

I’ve been living with bipolar long enough to tell you the bottom of every hole looks deeper and darker than the one before, but that what defines a hole is the high ground all around it. There is always more light than dark. If you can reach out for help (like you’re doing), advocate for yourself a little and just hang on... It’s going to get better. Moreover, the new day is going to seem even brighter thanks to the contrast of the dark ass shit you’ve just been through. Don’t give up, not for anyone else’s sake—though we’re all better off with you here—but for your own. You’ll be glad you hung in there.